Author Topic: The Commissar Fido Problem  (Read 69 times)

Offline themocaw

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The Commissar Fido Problem
« on: Today at 03:59:04 am »
Somewhere, in the middle of the Dark Dominion. . .

The bandit camp was in disarray. Chaos and bloodshed were everywhere. From the darkness came the screaming of the dying, the sounds of blunderbusses, and the shadowy shapes of scantily clad, eight-foot tall women with sinewy muscles and enormous titties. The Ruffians and Troublemakers of the camp cowered in the darkness. All around them, they could see their friends throwing down their weapons and running, screaming and empty-handed, into the darkness. Others laughed maniacally as they fired their bandit SMGs into the walls of the houses next to them, mouths frothing with berserk rage. The morale and will of the bandits was broken. Defeat was inevitable.

But there was one man who would never quit, never surrender. For him, defeat was heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather. For this man, the thought of laying down his sword to these parrot-loving, cutlass-wielding, slutty clothes-wearing pirates of the sky was hateful. He would fight until death. He would rally his comrades to fight while he drew breath, and the fear of disappointing this man would drive them to fight on.

Over the next few turns, three more of the Amazon Women From The Sky would be wounded by shotgun fire, and one more put in the hospital for a month with bite injuries to her shapely ass. But in the end, this brave soldier met his end at the hands of a shotgun blast from a sailor-suit clad girl with giant boobies, wearing a kevlar bra and reaper-skin corset. And thus it was that the morale of the bandits was finally broken, and the battle came to an end.

And who was this brave soldier?

A fucking Guard Dog

Seriously, the dogs and the Academy Drones and the like are priority targets in these fights. Everyone else will be broken willed and panicking, and the goddamn dogs will keep on fighting to the death, screaming "FOR THE GLORY OF THE HUMANISTS," and the moment they die, everyone else just gives up and surrenders.

For Pete's sake. . .
« Last Edit: Today at 04:01:49 am by themocaw »

Online Greep

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Re: The Commissar Fido Problem
« Reply #1 on: Today at 09:59:46 am »
I once saw a guard dog solo Death and taxes on jack sparrow, no joke.  All I heard was "RUFF RUFF" *growl growl growl* *AAAUGH* every time I ended turn and ended up only fighting a single ruffian.

Jokes aside, yeah battles only end via surrender when all enemies have given up.  Non-sapient enemies never give up, so expect the battle to always end when you kill the last one.