Backing off? Okay. The expanded truth is that I consider explaining myself (as opposed to explaining logic behind this or that decision, which I did to my best ability, and was expanded upon by Legion) a fruitless endavour in general, not to mention humiliating, unless in very special cases. Explaining oneself:
1. requires full knowledge of oneself no one really possesses;
2. requires intimacy or exibitionism;
3. requires the willingness to share secrets;
4. requires the hucpah to betray the secrets of others.
I will say only that: some things, like creativity, are beyond the realm of rationalism. So to a rational mind, which I assume you are, are best explained as 'fancies'.