The longest discussions were on Discord.
It pops up on the forum also from time to time, but it's hard to search for because there are no clear keywords.
But here's a random question for you from last year, just to provide some evidence:
https://openxcom.org/forum/index.php/topic,10076.0.htmlAnd even some small discussion:
https://openxcom.org/forum/index.php/topic,6869.0.htmlI'm lazy to search for more.
As for who is "we", it is SupSuper and Warboy for OXC and Meridian and Yankes for OXCE... there is nobody else who can decide whether a feature is implemented or not.
If the question was more about who was discussing it, then the answer is "a lot of people", including devs, major and minor modders, and players.
The biggest mods/modders at the time were included for sure: XcomFiles, XPiratez, 40k, etc... feel free to ask the modders themselves for the feedback they gave.